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From the beginning, my family and I experienced severe child abuse which carried well into adulthood. Learned from the experience of our early development and patterns from the cycle of abuse, we held it in our body.
My mother suffered from Domestic violence in our home, teaching us a world of violence and abuse as she spiraled her helplessness onto her children. She was bound to her abuse.
From the age of six weeks old, I was left on a porch by my mother. This was where I learned abandonment and unworthiness, of Not feeling wanted or loved.
When I was 4 1/2, I died from a severe trauma to the face. I saved my Mother from Being hit by an Ax. As She screamed Helplessly For her Life I Shielded her with my Body, taking the blow. The doctors saved me that night. I Remember the Light as it was Translucent and fluid. The room so peaceful And Calm there. I had no pain as it was lifted and removed. I was brought to the edge Of the veil of the crossing. The Angels told me to go back it wasn't my time, I had much to do.It was like a Flash I was back in my body. The doctors were above me on the Operating table .
As the years passed nothing changed for the better but It escalated as We were belittled, beaten, verbally abused. All the words and feelings that shattered our Spirit and Soul. We experienced hunger the kind where the powered milk and toasted bread was sometimes a joy to fill our belly's of that night twinge of hunger that lingered till morning. I Remember The bruising would go away but the Verbal Was the worst Pain I remember. That Was the Lasting echoing recording I Played in my mind over and Over. It permeated my Essence. It was What I heard before I went to bed.You are worthless You are no good !
There was sexual abuse and incest. This was where I held my real shame. I left my body so I didn't have to feel all the trauma that my body and mind had endured. The overwhelming shame I Kept a secret ! I Dare not say to the world of finding discovery of what happened to me. I Kept the secrets as they were going with me to the grave .
I was never validated I felt like I didn't Matter, I was taking up space. I did not like my body and hated it. If I was invisible maybe the pain would stop.
Daydreaming took me into a place where I felt safe. I lived there most of my life, escaping from the reality of the real world. In my adulthood I knew I was drowning from the past that kept me a prisoner. It was consuming my life. In 1996 I met a spiritual intuitive Inner-child Healer Michelle Phillips. She saved my life in every sense. I worked with the darkest places and retrieved the beautiful Inner-child within me, through healing the past with Love and forgiveness, and rewriting my story.
Today I have journeyed a long way on my path to my self discovery. I found my authentic self and feeling love for me... I am valuable... and I do matter in this life. I was created perfect beautiful and whole. I have found my passion through my painful past. I've dedicated my life helping others through their wounds from child abuse. I am writing my life story and how I healed my past and how to move forward. I write and speak on the effects of child abuse. I hope to use my story to inspire others .
Blessed are the children perfect and pure we are their caretakers hold them gentle hold them close in the heart of love.
Copyright 2013 Donna Genovese
Intuitive Healer and Counsellor Helping you Recover from the Traumas of the Past by Freeing the Abandoned Child Within